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Iapos;ve been up roaming around the LJ communities and found some interesting things. Some very nice icon sites, some really crappy fan fiction sites and some...just all around interesting ones.� Iapos;m just bored I�guess, and I�canapos;t sleep even though I�have a beautiful and loving gato named Lightning draped across my legs. Heapos;s such a lovey little beast, but nothing compared to my Gob. Anyway, Iapos;ve decided to sit up and watch reruns of "Two and a Half Men" mostly because Charlie Sheen makes me grin and Alan Cryer makes me *squee* and itapos;s just plain funny.

Iapos;m happy that the show is almost over. And by almost I mean I have two shows left. Thereapos;s been so much damned drama that I feel like my head is spinning and Iapos;m just ready to NOT�do anything for a while. A while being about two weeks before the opera starts, but two weeks is better than nothing at all. At least the crew has be fan-flipping-tastic. I havenapos;t worked with a crew this fun in a long time and it makes me so happy that I could run around and make squealing sounds. Which I do, frequently.

So, Iapos;ve decided with the help of my cousin that my goal while in England is to find a hot, rich, British man, use my feminine wiley ways on him so heapos;ll fall in love with me and then weapos;ll get married in Amsterdam. Sounds like a pretty good plan to me, if you donapos;t mind me saying. Iapos;m hoepful that Iapos;ll just magically run into a...I donapos;t know...Jeremy Irons look-a-like (or hell, even the REAL�Jeremy will do) and things will just take off from there. Or, to save my mother because the whole "older guyapos; schtick doesnapos;t sit with her, like a... Alan�Rickman. Heapos;s "younger" than Jeremy right? *snort* HAHAHAH. I make myself giggle.

I should REALLY go to sleep. It IS after three in the morning and I�have to be up at nine...this is going to be interesting tomorrow. Double show and all. But, on the upside, Stan may be coming and I�miss him like WHOA. Heapos;s like a second dad and I havenapos;t spoken to him in so long...It almost makes me wish I was still friends with Chris, just so I�could talk to his dad.�Is that weird?�I think thatapos;s a little weird. But I�just donapos;t have it in me to deal with his bullshit�OR�his fucking crazy girlfriend (fuck buddy/whore/non-girlfriend? What� the HELL�are they anyways?�Can you even HAVE�a relationship with her?�Or does her swirling black vortex of lies and hurtfulness just suck you in until youapos;re trapped in another dimension of hate and grossness?�I donapos;t know.�Maybe I�should ask Jimmy). Besides, I donapos;t need Chris to think�Stan is amazing. So there. And Stan doesnapos;t even LIKE Joanna, so I�feel completely justified and like I�can do my apos;I�WINapos; dance without being� a complete bitch about it. HA

I�promise Iapos;m not five. I�really am almost twenty. Christ...

So I guess Iapos;m off to bed. Enough bitching.

This thing IS really addictive...I must say...

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Now I have begun to try and better myself. Thatapos;s mostly what this journal was for anyway. Iapos;m changing who I am and trying to move forward with my life. I started doing some self-help things to hopefully get past everything thatapos;s going wrong. I canapos;t risk the Cycle (refer to post #2) become my everyday state when I have a mind that is full of self loathing and self sabotage. Now I had already began with basics, like telling myself as much as possible about everything that was good about myself to change my subconscious. With another program Iapos;m starting Iapos;m going to write down a goal of mine that I should hope to have to come back and touch up as I reach and need to take a step further. This post is dedicated to that goal. It is subject to change and improvement.

I am the type of guy that can hold a conversation with women. My conversational skills are impressive and make me an important part of the party. I am confident in myself, and I translate that with my body language. I am such a great person that I can attract anyone I want to myself.

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